May – International Masturbation Month
Ah, the month of May. The weather heats up, the clothes come off and society encourages everyone to masturbate themselves silly. You read that right — May is National Masturbation Month. So take a guilt-free break from trying to win over the girl or guy of your dreams and focus on yourself for a little instead with the knowledge that everyone’s cool with it. Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders was fired by Bill Clinton for responding to a question about masturbation at a UN conference. She answered, “I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught” in the context of sex education classes. Ironically, the president never had intercourse with Monica Lewinsky, but rather, she testified, after she performed incomplete fellatio, he would masturbate into the sink in the Oval Office bathroom, not to mention ejaculating onto her blue dress. Sound like the pot calling the kettle black. That was the end of the first black...